My Closet Sissy CD Self

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My Closet Sissy CD Self   I’ve been trying to just be a straight, married husband & father, but I can’t fight the urge any longer. I need to fulfill my lust & give in to being a crossdressing sissy slut. It’s been over 5 years since I last sucked another man’s dick & I thought that those feelings were gone, but I’ve been spending a lot of time at home alone & my wife seems to have no interest in fucking. I’m ok with it (or at least I thought I was). Usually while I’m home alone I just long onto here or a one of the other porn sites, whip my dick out & watch porn while I drink my coffee. The more porn I watch I begin to find myself saving more sissy tgirl trans stuff & facial videos as well as sissy faggot captions, from there I started to shoot my load all over my stomach & chest & once I hadn’t been able to jerk off for almost a week & when I finally did I shot cum all the way up to my face with the load landing on my lips, chin & throat. Without hesitating I opened my mouth & used my tongue to slurp in whatever cum I was able to reach. The taste made my mind race back to my teen years sucking my cousins thick cock, sucking his friends dicks, truckers, older daddy types that would offer me a ride walking home from the mall or a girlfriends house at night. After that I felt a little dirty & perverted going back to an old “habit”. A week later I was jerking my dick again & wasn’t able to get a fulfilling orgasm so I finally got the idea to watch porn on my phone & as I watched the sissy video & stroked myself I hurried to strip totally naked, laid down a towel & rolled myself upside down & stroked myself enough to cum a nice thick load all over my own face & in my mouth. As I did this I kept calling myself a fucking sissy faggot & telling myself how much I love the taste of cum, and oh my lord how good & dirty it made me feel.     That went on for a while until I started anadolu yakası escort to wonder what it would feel like to have my ass fucked like one of the girls or gurls in my video favorites. How much of what I’m watching is the girl or sissy just acting & pretending to enjoy a stiff dick sliding in & out of their ass, sometimes a nice thick cock slamming into them. Is it enjoyable the way I remember it being or was it just a c***dhood phase? I needed to know. I looked around my house trying to find something that resembled a cock but there was nothing & fingering my own ass as I stroked wasn’t very enjoyable, guess I wasn’t doing it right??????? One day my wife was throwing out some of my k**s old toys that they didn’t play with anymore & I spotted an old bubble toy that looked like a big test tube with a bubble wand inside of it. it was about 12 inches long & maybe 2 or 3 inches around. It was perfect for me to use!!!!!!! I was so excited to try it out next time that I was home alone. I went to my room & got down on my knees, spread my ass open & began to press my experimental toy against my tight asshole. Of course it wouldn’t go in without any type of lube so I searched my house to find some, the closest thing I could find was coconut oil from the pantry. I had read before that some people like to use it to masturbate or even just to mix it with other things for skin care. Excited I put a little in a small cup & went back to my room. I lubed the toy up as well as a scoop to rub all over my asshole & in between my asscheeks. As I started another video I decided this time I would hold the toy steady & slowly lower myself down on it. This didn’t quite go the way I expected though, as the toy began to slowly push its way into my ass, I lost my balance a little & because of the coconut oil the toy shot ataşehir escort half way into my ass. A bit of shock & pain, then, such a sexy warm feeling rushed over me followed by my unintentional cooing. It took a little getting use to but I finally got a rhythm going that I was sliding up & down on the toy taking at least 8 inches of it in my tight little sissy pussy. Finally the most amazing feeling started to wash over me & I don’t know if it was because of the porn or my memories of my cousins dick devirginizing me or one of the other men that use to fuck my young ass, but I found an angle that felt really amazing when I would slide down on the toy. It was almost a rush of ecstasy but the more I did it the more I felt like I was going to make myself cum. Through the feverish ass fucking I was giving myself I looked down & notices that my cock was leaking cum & the more I pushed myself the more cum was leaking out. My brain was on fire with bliss & I felt so slutty & like such a little sissy faggot.    I finally had to stop before I passed out from the pleasure. As I laid there on the floor I thought about what just happened & wondered if I what I just did to myself was normal or was I some kind of weirdo. After I was able to compose myself I started to search the videos & it turns out lots of guys do this as well as sissy gurls. I did notice that a lot of the videos that showed people cumming this way were usually crossdressing when they did it, or some stud with a nice big dick was fucking them & hitting the right spot making the sissy cum. My mind began to race & I started to think “Can I still pull off wearing panties & a dress with make up, or am I too old to try”? After several sessions of self fucking & masturbating I notice how much I really wanna try sucking a nice big white dick again, having a nice big dick ümraniye escort fucking my ass, treating me the way men use to, like a girl, fucking my mouth & taking their dicks out only to give me a slap across the face with it dragging their balls & shaft all over my faggot face telling me how good I suck dick. Or being fucked by an older man while he spanks me & tells me my pussy feels so good, making me tell him how much I love it, being fucked like a girl. And of course almost all of the men pull their dicks from my mouth or sissy ass & stroke their dicks in front of my then sloppy face so they could splash my face & drench it with their loads. I want that again. I want to be used like I use to be, the way my cousin taught me to take dick down my throat & balls deep in my ass.    I’m going to do it. I have begun to workout & exercise in order to slim down my dad bod so that I can become more feminine-looking. I’ll start practicing yoga, eating right & secretively look for make up to wear as well as some slutty type of clothes. But where can I hide this sort of stuff, out of site of my k**s or someplace that my wife wouldn’t be able to find them? I also need to begin shaving my body hair or some sort of hair removal. I’m not overly hairy thanks to my Mexican bloodline, but I do need to find a way to get rid of hair mostly on my ass & ass crack. I won’t totally feminize myself because I still love women so I’m still going to have manly arms but would love to tone my legs up & get my ass back to being the nice bubble butt guys & women always liked before. A nice sized dildo as well that I can begin practicing with to deepthroat & fuck myself with. When the time comes & I feel confident enough I will either place an ad or go to one of the gay cruising sites to either find one guy that’ll fuck my sissy alter ego or a group of guys that would use me, I’m thinking maybe 3 to 4 men. I’ll do this at least 7 times & then I think after that my lust will be satisfied.    So to whoever reads this post, what do you think? Am I being sensible about this or am I being some sort of lunatic? Does anyone have a tip or pointers for me to follow? I’m eager to have some feedback so please let me know what you have to say!!!!!!!

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