I want it! I don’t care now. I’ll allow myself the luxury of turning inward, facing myself, and fully admitting it. I’m not gay. Maybe I’m bi, but I don’t know because I’ve never tried. Yet it seems that maybe I am on that spectrum they all talk about. Anyway, it’s all just in my head, swirling around and around and around. It’s the ultimate expression of all my pain expunged and the intimacy reconnected, yet on another level. That will be a new, pain-free level.
It’s not romantic. I’m not going to ‘turn’. Don’t bother trying. You could sink your teeth into me like the vampires, and maybe the antibodies in my blood would just reject you, recognize you for what I don’t desire, and would turn away from in an instant. So don’t bother. I will still always like girls. I just can’t deal with them right now. Most straight guys get that. It’s become a new world in the past couple decades, where everyone got wise, and after the rest of us paid the price.
So this is where I am. A sensual being, a sexual being, but no longer a ‘societal’ being. I won’t play the game that gives away, and gives up, so much. I won’t be led anymore by the mythology into losing myself, subsuming myself, sacrificing myself, and then crying myself away. Yet I still have needs. And this is the dream, to satiate them, unpenalized. You know what that means. It’s no payment, no misery, and no loss.
I will have cock. It’s in my head. It’s information. It’s like the germs in the pandemic. Once you have that knowledge you can’t get it out.
Why not? Why the fuck not? I’ve thought about it, and fantasized on it, and heck, I’ve even dreamed about it. So I’m fucked now. My mentality has crossed the line.
It’s been such a long, long time since the pain and the isolation and the need all at once planted this seed that came to remake me. This is a ‘me’ now mostly healed, but still with needs. This delightful innermost wondrous ‘me’ has pleasure inside, and wants to give pleasure beyond. This cock of mine, that I love so much, is now resolved as well. It is resolved to sense that a cock can be pretty, a cock can be hot, a cock can be wanted, and a cock can be loved on. That could be as much as I love on mine. In short, if a cock is that good then a cock can appreciate another cock, and only a cock can know how best to love on another cock.
If I could give it to my girl as she said “The best I ever had”, and they all say that I know, and if I could give her my mouth on her pussy that well, then why am I not ready? If I could give it to myself, pleasure my cock better than she mostly could, well most times of course, then why am I not able? If I could be just as good at pleasuring her as myself, then why would I not be just as supremely willing in pleasuring another cock. I’m told most guys, intuitively, know that. I know I’m good, so I know for sure. It’s just that it’s only in my head for now.
Even though it hasn’t happened yet, I’ll be the best I’m sure. Heck, how I’ve pleasured, and teased, and titillated myself. I know this from all those times when I taught myself. I know this from when I was later frustrated before I met my princess. I know this from all my times of introspection, and then self exploration, long after my princess was gone. It was she that foiled the fable, massacred the mythology, and brought me to the travails of truth. And then too, I know it because of how I pleasure myself now, while refusing to forgive myself for getting off thinking about cock as much as anything else. So I’ll be good, I’ll be damn good, and I know that other cock will then want me even more.
So this is the juncture, and the only question is when. I know the how. I’ve had a long time to think about it. They have to be like me. They have to be ‘straight’, they have to have been through the mill, they have to be somewhat resolved, and they have to be open. There must be the same flower unfolding within them, that is opening within me. There must be no imbalance, there must be no uneven levels of power, because this is an equal thing. It’s a ‘finding’, a discovery that admits “Yes, I’m ok with this, it’s where I want to travel, and that’s all it is.” It’s an equality of reciprocity, and a sharing of resolution.
And it is definitely not a ‘giving up’, or a transference, of identity. After it happens, our ‘maleness’ will still be intact in every way, not assaulted, not reduced, and not shamed. Perhaps it will even be enhanced. I won’t regret it. And he won’t regret it. And they’ll be no confusion, no questions of existence, and no doubts that women are still there if, and when we want.
But I so want to try it. And I want to enjoy it. And I want that cock to know that I love knowing that I can make that cock enjoy it as much as that cock would do for me, reciprocally. I want everything except that which I am programmed to want from a woman. I really want the intimacy, but not quite the same kind. I want the kind that feels and senses and knows, because I just know how that will make it better. mom porn Oh, how I know that would make it so good. I want to know that I made that cock see stars, and feel as one with the universe. I want to know that cock knows me, and wants me again for yet another time. But I just do not want that cock to feel that he would die without me! I do not want my cock to feel that either. This is the ultimate definition of my ‘straightness’ on that ‘plus bi’ axis line. Only the girls, if ever again, will get that golden coin plucked from the highest level of that video game of romantic reward.
But much else is up for grabs. I’ve admitted it. I’m freed by it, and I want my other cock to have that liberation. This understanding can only come with the acknowledgement of that one condition, that one constraint, previously explained. To have the physical, to have the sensuality, to have the raw sexuality, and almost every cerebral thing else that goes with it, is what I want. I want it so bad.
I want the intimacy that comes with our cocks knowing they can talk about it unabashed, yet gentle, respectful, exploring, and giving. But I expect us both to still remain strong, and rightfully masculine. What I felt, and what he felt, and how we got here, and what our pain was that brought us here, are things that should be all included in this process. How relieved and relaxed this will make us both feel, that our cocks can converse so intimately. How much we shall love that we can tell each other exactly what we want and how we feel, without guilt and without recrimination. These are things I want for my other cock too. I want this because I know this connection, and this understanding, will make it oh so much better.
Oh heck, please do not make it anyone I’ve known! I want it to be someone new. Perhaps we will meet somewhere, sometime, in a near future. I’m not sure how it will go. Maybe it will be a new friend, with a common interest, and a casual conversation which kicks off an innocuous connection. Then later sometime, after a drink maybe at the bar, as merely new friends we’ll realize we’ve both seen similar ground.
Perhaps it takes awhile, being first a few meetings for fun, some phone calls, all ultimately with the inevitable unveilings of woe that us guys always feel comfortable sharing. And then possibly it will be that eventually the conversation has a turn beyond the regular internet downloads and the movies and the masturbation, to one of us inquiring “Have you ever?”
Then might come the other’s noncommittal reply “Well no, but have you?”
Somewhere in that teasing inquiry, with the trust forming, we may just get there. In that moment of a crossing of sorts, the question might be “Could you, would you like to try?”
And again, the other may very well just respond with “Maybe, but it would have to be with someone I could trust.” That barrier broken, it’ll be the budding excitement, the building anticipation fueled by readily offered answers on both sides, that can now lead to the when and how and where!
But he has to be clean, super clean, because a lot of men are just super dirty and disgusting. This is what’s just in my mind anyway. And he has to be a non-smoker, not a substance abuser, and someone that at least has a somewhat sensible head. It all comes down to it being someone that I could trust. Someone that is new to this as well is what is required. That’s because there’s a lot of nasty stuff out there that goes on, and I’m not trying this out for the first time with just anyone! And finally, near the top of that list is someone who’s not going to hide the fact that they’re secretly capable of falling in love with me later. Nor must that someone be wanting to use me to put a notch in their nasty belt, nor conquer me, or whatever. Maybe it might be someone younger, and fitter, although I’m not too bad. Heck, my cock always gets a heavy workout, and my legs are still toned and ripped like tuna. You may laugh out loud at the ‘workout’ part if you wish. But yes, I’m not too bad on the eye myself. So in the end I guess I’ll just have to know him when I see him. What a list this is!
When and how and where will this all be? And so this story turns to where all my foreground thoughts, mental meanderings, and projections are now washed away. Here we are, having all of us coming to be in that moment of want right now!
He and I are together, as you can see in this dream, this wish of mine. Our breath is low, and our pulses are pounding. It’s the first time. Who does what first, and who goes first, are the questions. That’s no problem. I am the hyper exhibitionist. I’m the one who’s run naked in a dark avenue of farmland pines. I’m the one who’s jerked off free and unencumbered in many a midnight field. So I’m the one who’s had all the training. That makes me the one ready to throw inhibition to the proverbial wind.
My boots are unlaced and kicked off about the front room floor, and my jeans are coming down. mobil porno His eyes are wide, and his temperament is nervous. I’m in my socks, just my shirt and underpants left on, with my jacket having been previously discarded. So what comes next?
To hell with risk. He agreed to this, and he came this far. I want this. I know I can trust him. So I’m making the move!
My underpants are coming down, and one leg is kicking them off the ankle, and far across the room. Only my short sleeve shirt’s front tails hide my rising, aching cock from his view. His mouth is agape, incredulous, almost fearful, but with his expression transfixed and fascinated. By now his shoes have been shoved off unceremoniously, and he’s unbuckling his belt, unzipping his pants fly, and reaching in to grab the bulge in his shorts. There is nothing too reckless about his acts because he’s still keeping to his ‘safe zone’.
But I love this! I realize I’m in control. I’m in the lead. This fantasy is mine, and I’m making it for him as well as for me. I’m owning it, and I’m making him love it too! It’s exhilarating, and the blood is pounding in my ears as my unclad, set apart legs are shaking to hold me upright.
This is fucking amazing! I’m going to do it. I’m going to give him his show. I’m going to give him a memory to masturbate to, for long after this is over. By now he’s looking a little intense, and rubbing himself beneath his shorts, as he watches. And my cock, rock hard, and wet at the tip with precum, isn’t fully in view as it lifts itself up from beneath the front of my shirt. This is crazy! But I can tell by his excitement that he will go the way I want when I lead him to.
This is different. This is not the same as with a woman. At the best of times, she is just happy to “Give it” to you. But this is different. Pure, unadulterated wanton raw lust is what this feels like. His cock is hot for my cock. I so totally sense and love that. And, in control, I am grateful too for his unshielded lust. There are no lies there. I now know what I’m doing next.
I walk the few feet that separates us, with my platinum hard rod swinging and bouncing beneath my shirt’s hanging front. And his look becomes one that is almost trapped between terror and tease! Before he can react to flight or retreat, I am on his lap. I am kneeling my naked legs across his seated self, with the precum tip of my arched cock pressing a ‘wet spot’ onto the tummy of his shirt.
It’s now or never! Before he can even think, my right hand has forced itself into his crotch, and past and under his hand. I grab his cock, and won’t let go! I stroke mine momentarily with my left hand, as the urge for this is primal. As I do this my right hand, with his cock held in it, pushes out and over the bent down front of this shorts.
With his mouth still breathlessly open, I let go of my cock and proceed to cup his balls with that same hand. Then I sit back a touch, and lift and hold his cock upright against his tummy. Immediately I begin to stroke and caress all of his parts at the same time. “Oh!” is his only response. I own this fantasy now!
I stop with the stroking for a second, and unbutton and throw off my shirt. I carelessly discard that across the room, and resume stroking him. His eyes widen, then go back to closing, as he feels the moment I am making for him. “Ah, that’s really good” he barely whispers.
“I’m really glad you like that” I reply, “as you know from when we had talked about it, that there’s more I’d like to do with this.”
Absently agreeing with me, a “Mmm” is all he can manage. I’m not stroking or caressing hard nor fast. I’m going slow and light and gentle because, like myself, I want to work him up. I won’t let him cum anytime soon! But he does seem to enjoy it, and it appears to be just as pleasurable for him as I had told him it would be.
I stop stroking temporarily again, and I grab his shirt and unbutton it quickly. And although he’s instinctually unsure once more, I’m back at it quickly and reassuringly with my hands on his cock and balls. I use one hand briefly to sweep and tuck away both sides of his shirt, so that his stomach and chest are exposed. Then I’m back at it as fast as I possibly can again. Under the absent delirium of pleasure he barely notices any of these swift and subtle changes.
Now is the time for the advance! I sit up and forward, and my screaming cock presses a gob of precum into his belly button. He starts up momentarily, but the urge to flee is suppressed almost as quickly. My sensual machinations upon his cock and balls are convincing them into compliance on instinct. So he is back to his closed eyes and wandering thoughts almost as instantly. I push up my cock and smear my precum upon his belly above, and my cock lightly brushes his as my hands work on him in constant quiet concentration. “You like that?” I ask, drawing out the words and whispering into his right ear.
“Oh, yeah!” he breathes with a low voice, xnxx porno while quite possibly being unaware of which part of what is going on that he is actually agreeing to.
I want to switch it up now. I want to step it up! I stop for a second, and tell him “C’mon, get this off”, then “Get this off”, as I yank off his shirt first and then move to the next articles of his clothing. Seamlessly I step up for a second to help him pull down his pants and shorts all in one go, completing this move. Then quickly I straddle back down upon him, and go back to what I was doing.
“Mmm, ah!” breathes his blissful assent.
On the couch, right now, we are both totally naked save our socks. And he seems like he is totally oblivious of it! This is awesome, it is what I want. Well, this is almost what I want. But I’ll get there.
I shift again so that my cock and balls, sitting straight up, press firmly but gently against his cock and balls pointed in the same direction. They are now pinning them up against his tummy. There’s a jolt, a twinge, that he jumps to as he feels our equipment in full communication. I feel that too. It is an exquisite electricity of the joint understanding of the novelty and newness of taboo.
“This feels so wrong?” he remarks weakly, but without sounding terribly sure at all.
“I know” I answer, drawing out the words deliciously again. With this response I hold my pressing of our forbidden parts even closer, and go back to caressing his balls cupped in one of my hands. “That’s what makes it feels so good, I guess?” I affirm, yet include a haughty note of inquiry for him to consider. “You know that we’ve got a ways to go, and you know I’m going to make it feel even better!” I urge.
“Yeah” he sighs almost soundlessly, surrendering to my suggestion and my sensuality and drawing out his response now too. I take my hand away, and lean forward to his right. Then, burying my face in his neck, I begin gently grinding our unattended cocks and balls together. He sighs again and responds physically, arching his back slightly to meet my circular excitations. He follows my lead when I pull back my waist a little, so that our cocks and balls play the lightest game of whisper and touch.
When I stop briefly I can feel his balls and my balls grinding away softly against each others’ pouches. It is as though the sperm needs to mate. I’m sure he feels it too. I think this might be one of the most amazing parts of this entire experience! “Oh my god” I gasp.
We continue for a time as my face, buried in his neck, gives my lips the opportunity to softly explore his skin. I’m not sure he notices, but this is definitely a part of the intimacy that I have imagined will make it for me. My cock stiffens even more, in reaction to just doing a little bit of this play. But he’s not so much into that as yet, and simply seems to be focussed on just receiving. But we’ll see.
It’s time for me to get busy! I want my dessert, the final course! I want to consummate this fantasy. To do that I have to do my part yet again, which is to take the lead. I get off him and stand up, at which a surprised look of protestation and inquiry appears on his face. But that is not for long.
Immediately I kneel back down on the couch beside him and to his left, as his right hand instinctually moves to start frantically jerking himself off. “Nuh, uh!” I exclaim. “That’s mine!” I think to myself. So I grab his hand, pull it off, and push it back away to his right. And then I lean over from his left, and I plant both my hands across either side of his lap such that my face is positioned directly above that wanting cock. It looks so forlorn and needy!
His cock is hard, and lightly lathered in precum of the two kinds, ours. It springs tightly back and forth in an erect pulse of blood and excitement. “Mm-mm!” I moan, out of a frantic and mournful plea of sexually abandoned desperation, and promptly plant my mouth right over that pleading cock’s head.
“I’m doing this! I’m actually going to suck a cock! Hope I don’t go gay afterwards? Who the fuck cares!” come all these torrents of thought crashing through my mind all at once.
And then I hear him. “Oh, oh” he wails, while placing his hands on my head, and pushing down in instinctive reaction. “C’mon?” he implores urgently.
And then I regain my composure, and I realize I’m where I’ve wanted to be. This is the discovery that I had imagined for so long. And I know I’ll be ok. I’m not going to change. And I’m damn well going to enjoy this, and explore this, and never regret it. In that second I know for certain that I won’t fracture, or pull apart, into a conflicted being. I’ll still be me, the identity I want to keep and own. I’ll be fine.
And it’s so good, yet it is strange. The difference is what is strange, with the smell and the taste. But the novelty of newness is intoxicating. And that feeling of ‘wrongness’, taboo, has primacy in the sense of all of this. It feels like all the dares of all the times I went naked for those urges to be running and jerking off in the dark and the parks and the wilderness. The ‘this is not right’ part is what drives it. It’s so damn exciting that I think my heartbeats are going to drive my heart right up out of my chest.